10 ways to get through your hangover blues
Upon consultation with a selection of binge drinkers, we’ve made this cure all list of things that will set you on the straight and narrow.
Good morning to you, or rather, for some – good afternoon.
January 1 of any year is filled with a mix of hope and regret. Hope for the year to come and regret from at least the night before, if not the entire year.
However, today is the day to shed all of those horrible hang ups – hangovers – of 2014 and stride fervently into the best year of your life, 2015.
Understandably, you may be a little bit tired, a little bit shaky and a little bit vulnerable. These are the breaks of the night that culminates the year that was, and forces us to stay up until at least midnight, if not later.
However, upon consultation with a selection of binge drinkers, we have provided a cure-all list of things to do, to rid the hangover blues and get yourself on the straight and narrow for the year to come.
What to eat is usually the first thing that you think of when you wake up with a hangover. Unless of course you are the particularly awful kind of hungover, when the idea of stomaching food is nigh impossible. For you, see point 4. The obvious and most popular choice that I have noticed in my anthropological observations is that hungover homo sapiens’ number one choice is the greasy, drive-thru, don’t have to get out of your pajamas option, and a valid option at that. The hankering for salt and grease is hard to resist when it is presented so effortlessly, so go ahead and treat yourself. But be warned, while it usually provides temporary joy and relief, illness and remorse often follows.
Some points to consider: KFC doesn’t open until 10am. McDonalds have breakfast until 10:30. If it’s 7am and you need a burger, then Hungry Jacks is the place to go. The geniuses at Jacks’ serve burgers 24/7, and will always fulfil your burger urge, no matter what time of the morning. HOWEVER, if you do go for the McDonalds breakfast then here is a tip: get ‘hotcakes’ and also order a 50cent cone and put the ice cream on your pancakes. This is the best idea ever, and created by a genius we’ll call Hammer.
2. Nourishment, real nourishment
There are also those rare humans who simply refuse to put bad things in their body after a big night out, and to them, I tip my hat. One of the key elements of a hangover can be remorse, and so the clever souls who decide to choose health food over junk food are fast tracking their path to recovery by not making bad decisions upon waking.
Fresh fruit and juices, especially pineapple, can be exquisite on the parched palate, bringing you much needed life and refreshment. If you really want to be a smug jerk, go for a green smoothie and you will be defeating the day in no time.
3. Pre-emptive actions
Usually we know when we’re going to be suffering a hangover, so it’s important to be prepared. Keep a large supply of bottled water in the fridge (easier for sipping in the horizontal position), put some Zooper Dooper’s in the freezer. Have the house stocked with your recovery medication of choice, have a spoonful of vegemite before you go to bed (Vitamin B), drink water throughout the night, have a shower before getting into bed, brush your teeth. All of these things can and will help allay a hangover.
4. Once the damage is done
Excessive consumption of alcohol can cause desperate dehydration which can have you dreaming of waterfalls and gushing taps that you can never quite get to. This kind of dehydration can cause unbearable headaches. As soon as you are awake, get water into you, and a lot of it. Things to help the recovery process along are of course, aspirin…ibuprofen…panadeine forte – depending on how good your medicine cupboard is. Other more natural assistants are vitamin b tablets, Berocca, Hydralyte. If it’s your stomach that ails you, try peppermint tea, ginger beer, bananas. And if you’re lucky enough to have medical professionals in your household, see if they’re able to swing you some ondansetron.
5. Get outside and laugh
Nothing nourishes quite like the sun. It also burns, so make sure you wear sunscreen. But laying a rug on some grass, with some refreshing beverages and snacks and laughing with your friends about the night before is often the best kind of medicine.
6. Get into a body of water
Hangovers are never a time for courtesy. If you don’t have a pool, find someone who does. If you’re near the ocean, get in there. Yes, sometimes the distance to travel may feel like way too much effort, but there truly is nothing that cleanses the soul like an actual cleanse in a body of water. If you’ve only got a shower, then have a shower. You probably need one.
7. Surround yourself with the right people
Sometimes despite our very best efforts, we can let ourselves get out of control, especially during the Silly Season. If you’ve had one of these nights, make sure to surround yourself with your most non-judgey, fun-loving friends. It also helps to hang out with people who were as drunk or more drunk than you. You don’t need someone telling you that you were an idiot, you need people empathising, telling you that you are wonderful and distracting you with their own war stories. Find these people and keep them close, but make sure you return the favour when the shoe is on the other foot.
8. Allow yourself time to weep
Hangovers can be exhausting and emotional. If you’re feeling particularly tender, then instead of trying to control your emotions, give them a stoke by watching a devastating movie. Crying can be a wonderful release of tension. Some recommended films are Click, Barney’s Version, and of course, The Notebook. This survival tip is best done in a blackened and heavily air-conditioned room with ample blankets and pillows. And a good mate. Misery loves company.
This might be ambitious, but if you can make yourself do it, sweating is helpful. Try to go for a walk, play a social game of touch football or go for a bike ride. You need to bring your endorphin levels up so that the dreaded post-booze anxiety doesn’t take hold and leave you with the black dog clouding your thoughts and giving you sleepless nights.
10. Motivational YouTube clips
YouTube has an endless supply of moving clips which can take you to a happy place in an instant. Some recommended experiences include: Stevie Nicks live recording of Wild Heart, Bluejuice on Triple J’s Like a Version – End of the Road,Daft Punk vs Phoenix at Madison Square Garden, Kristen Wiig’s SNL farewell and, of course, Paul Potts and Susan Boyle auditions for X Factor – if these don’t move you, then you are made of cement.
Some final thoughts. It’s a new beginning, so grant yourself that. Today brings you a clean slate and the opportunity to leave last year’s mistakes in the past (even if they are the very recent past). Don’t look back (especially not in anger) and do shake it off.Nine out of ten corporate executives agree that Brisbane-based writer Elizabeth Tucker is an adequate administrator slash marketing officer. When she is not updating excel spreadsheets she is busy planning a trip across the Savannah Way as research for her first novel. Her career highlight to date is putting a surfing dog on the front cover of the Straddie Island News in her first issue as editor. Her life highlight is winning an amateur social netball competition. Elizabeth is one to watch.
Forget all others, this is the only green smoothie you need.
And it tastes a little like a cocktail (but with many more benefits).
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